The savvy cat owner knows not to mess with a successful bathroom rou- tine — once you find a litter box your cat uses, you thank your lucky stars, and you cling desperately to it. Still, have you seen some of these litter boxes? I decided to ask my cat, Stella, if she’s ever thought of upgrading.
IT’S ME, THE CAT
LIFE WITH CATTITUDE
BY MICHAEL LEAVERTON
Stella, wake up a moment. Do
you like your litter box?
It’s a gray plastic tub from the
supermarket. What’s not to like?
Have you ever wanted some-
Wait — there’s something
DIFFERENT than a gray plastic tub
from the supermarket?
So why do you always get me
a gray plastic tub from the supermarket?!
Um … it’s three bucks?
What else are you holding out
Nothing. I mean, why buy cat
toys when you can make them?
OH MY GOD.
Let’s just focus on the litter box.
Fine — for now. Lay out my
Well, you could get one with a
Huh. So I’ll finally have some pri-
vacy instead of sitting there like the
queen of England on a beach holi-
day. I assume it’s retractable?
Then how do I fling litter all over
the place when I’m finished?
You don’t. That’s sort of the
point of having the roof.
Where’s the sport in that? Don’t
tell me you don’t love flinging toilet
paper around your bathroom.
The roll got away from me ONE
time. You could also get a round
Ooohh, how fashion-forward.
They even have one shaped like
Like pooping in a ball!
Some litter boxes have little
steps going into them.
So I’d be ascending a staircase like
a lady to do my pooping. I like that.
It’s more about knocking the
litter off your paws on the way
How about one with a hole in
So after I pee I can pretend I’m
a criminal escaping through a man-
hole? Oh, that’s good.
They also have litter boxes that
look like actual furniture, like a
side table or a chinoiserie cabinet.
I thought we’ve moved past me
peeing in your chinoiserie cabinet?
You’d be peeing in YOUR chi-
How refreshing. Can I still pee on
Ah, I know — a self-cleaning
automatic model! It’s got a robotic
scoop that drags itself through the
litter twice a day.
Nice try, but watching you deal
with the clumps is half the fun of
going Number Two.
If you really want a change, we
can train you to use and even flush
That’s disgusting. I’ve seen what
you do to that toilet.
You know, some people just cut
a hole in the side of a 50-gallon
storage bin and call it a day.
Sounds like someone is trying to
get out of scooping my poop every
Well, that leaves us where we
started — the gray plastic tub
from the supermarket.
It hasn’t let me down yet. But I’ve
been meaning to talk to you about
the litter. I think I could get a much
better trajectory and spray pattern
if I’m flinging one of the lighter,
Go back to sleep, Stella.
a Bengal, has a firm grip
on her handler, freelance
writer Michael Leaverton,
whom she rescued from an alt weekly
many meals ago. They live in San Diego.