IT’S ME, THE CAT
FOR THE LOVE OF CATS
For such a sleepy house pet, it’s quite a surprise that the cat is so wrapped up in folklore and superstition. I decided to ask my cat, Stella, about some popular cat mysteries.
Stella, I was wondering: Do cats
really have nine lives?
I hope so. I’ve been running through
them far too quickly.
Really? How many times have you
Well, let me think. Remember when
your mother knocked on the door last
That killed you?
You can’t just spring your mother on
me like that.
She loves you! She was just
And of course there was that time you
went on vacation and didn’t get me a
A cat sitter? I left the house for
one night and left you two bowls
I didn’t make it past 8 o’clock.
I don’t think you understand
I understand death just fine. For
example, do you remember when
you bought that new vacuum without telling me?
I have to tell you when I buy a
I died twice that week.
I do recall you looking a little
Coming back to life is hard on a cat.
I hope your rug was worth two massive heart attacks.
Any other deaths you want to tell
Oh, sure. There was that time a bird
flew in the house, and also when I
had grilled chicken the first time.
in on Feline
BY MICHAEL LEAVERTON
But those were happy deaths. Do you
think they count?
Dying of happiness is still dying.
You must forbid UPS drivers to knock
on the door. It’s like they use hammers.
Let’s move on: Are any other cat
superstitions true, like how a cat
can steal someone’s breath when
I’m still researching that one.
Researching it how?
Don’t worry about it.
Are you trying stealing my breath,
It’s how I get you to stop snoring. I
bring you to the brink of death and
then … poof, you’re quiet.
Sort of comatose,
to be honest.